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Bucketful O’ Chicken

July 30, 2007 on 11:59 am | In Other DVDs |

Looks like chicken, tastes like chicken.

Aww hell, it must be chicken.

And Im way beyond singing "I feel like chicken tonight".

Some pornos have a sense of humor about themselves. Some you just laugh at. The latter are terrible, especially when a cute trick youve picked up puts one on and you proceed to giggle through it. They tend to take it personally and ask you to leave. Luckily, this is one of the former.

In this one, twenty-something pretty boys enter the world of fast food. Now, Ive always believed fast food makes you sick quick, but hey, you all love it, judging by the proliferation of these drive-thru greasy fire hazards on every street corner. But you wont find one like Clucks, and mores the pity! Its the sort of place you frequent when, as our two young heroes point out pre-credits, youre horny/hungry.

Dissolve to a shot of Clucks - and sweetie, next time spend more than forty-seven cents on special effects. Naa, joking, I loved it really! That fifty foot tall party bucket looks like it could keep my sister Chi Chi LaRue happy for an afternoon.

Already at the drive-thru window (and being ably-served by the fabulous Francea) is Braun, who orders Chicken on a Queen and gets a mouthful of Benton, who magically appears in the seat next to him. Im guessing this is a legalized drive-thru brothel. Heidi Fleiss sure did crash and burn.

The two get naked straight away (you might want to move the car first - youll only hold up the line) with Braun (slightly lumpy face but still very do-able) swallowing his feast whole, before expertly rimming him and fucking his face. Gotta love guys who multitask! Very passionate kissing and hot action with Braun fucking the shit out of Benton before they both sweatily and noisily spew their secret sauce everywhere.

These guys were so hot they didnt notice that the backdrop of stripped trees made their al fresco antics look like they occurred in the dead of winter.

Its not just drive thru - Parks and Fox run in and order Atkins and Madiera. Sadly the sound was so muffled here I couldnt tell you what chicken-flavored double-entendre they asked for but I bet it was rip-roaringly hilarious. Ahem. The clerk produces their naked orders from the walk-in freezer. Ow. Wouldnt these poor guys catch a chill? It doesnt matter because pretty soon four huge dicks get the screen sizzling, as they kiss, suck, rim, slurp and hump their way through a great scene. (Just a shame that in one part it looks like poor Parks has passed out on the table.) Fox fucks the delightful tanned chicken burger to perfection whilst Parks takes his own on a nearby table, shooting all over Atkins pimply cheeks. God you eat fast, Fox comments and is rewarded with Parks satisfied belch whilst flipping over and receiving a bit of hot sauce from Madiera.

Why is this restaurant so empty? The food looks great; is it the service thats lousy? Heres why, Meet Mr. Big Cluck - Chad Knight. Our manager is interviewing potential recruit Landers, who looks like hes participating in porno as part of his community service. Our managers interview technique is worth a giggle, but if hes hiring retards like Landers character then hes only asking for trouble. Still, as Landers gets naked to try on the uniform, his bad tattoos and go-nowhere-hair excite the boss and all logic is once more forgotten as Knight samples his employee-to-bes meat, having a gay old time chowing down on those inches. Knight is very pretty-boy-sexy, whilst the more thuggish Landers will excite those into a bit of rough. And guess whos bottom. Yep, Knight. But he exudes a great sexiness as his gates are hammered by that batter-spewing-battering ram.

Im being picky now but if its a work uniform, wouldnt it have the Clucks logo on it? It only costs about three dollars to have one run up at Kinkos for Gods sake! Is the budget really that low?

Night falls, Clucks closes and its left to poor Devlin to sweep up. Not to worry, hes got more things on his mind. He opens the fridge (theres a scary shot of all the naked guys standing motionless inside - like that scene in Coma) and pulls out Savage. (Staff perks, I guess. You get to eat the left-overs.) The two eagerly work each other orally, before Savage finger fucks his pal, producing moans of ecstasy. As he lovingly fucks him with that huge member Devlin shoots everywhere, and Savage opens the fridge and lets out Hawke, Jordan, Wolfe and an unhealthily skinny Sizemore (what happened?) who join Savage in losing their batter on the willing Devlin. Very hot scene!

Ends weirdly, with them all giving filthy looks to Devlin, who just grins inanely. Ok, I would be too, but I expected our chickens to revolt, enslave, and then eat their masters. But thats a fantasy Ill leave fro my next trip to Burger King.